Welcome to Everything Imus

"I like that idea that people that are writing unauthorized biographies about me, ... well that it's a validation of just what an actual really a big deal I am... just means the 'I-Man' well he's almost as big as Prime Anarchist. It elevates the I-Man to cult status."
- Don Imus

"And now, people, here's the reason we built this parody in the first place. ATI, Activist Tell Imus!!!" Ati 65 ALL THE NEWS THAT FITS, WE PRINT It's Sunday. February, 2, 1997. ATI 64 has gone out to about 45 people. If you know someone who oughta get this, lemme know. Or tell them to either search for it thru Yahoo & Hotbot (the 2 biggest "hitters" I know about so far) or give me an email address to send it to. I'll do the rest. Don't expect the price for ATI to go up this year to offset cost of living increases. (besides I don't drink COLAs anymore anyhow.) Any percentage increase from 0 is still 0, so you pay $0.00 to receive Activist Times, Inc. as per usual. Which leads me to this: Notas Prime Anarchos: if anyone's charging you to receive ATI, please either:

let me know.

ask them to cut it out. or

pay for it and ask them to send a portion to me. <><><><><><><> For those of you who're always looking 4 mist takes we've put a few in here. <><><><><><><> and now... THE VERY FAMOUS P A P / / / prime anarchist productions numbers section Just remember. Running #'s is not only fun, it's a moral imperitive! 203-887-2600 box 5293 hear the prime anarchist's voice. 516-751-2600 2600 Magazine (the hacker quarterly) voice number. 1-800-anarchy Artrock T-shirts and posters http://obi.std.com/obi/emi.anthology cool antiwar writings. www.miptv.com/other/cia.html guerrilla warfare manuels (sic) 5,6 &7 and more. www.albany.net/~butchcd cool anarchy bbs ://swiss.net/group42/anarchy (sorry, left out the "." between swiss and net in ati64. 1-800-456-0700 used to be Pat Robertson's 700Club. Now it's a woman named Donna Robertson at a company called Whoretell. Hmmm. Send all correspondence to Marco99@juno.com

THE BALLAD OF KEROUAC AND FARRAKHAN

    by marc harry ehrenfrucht

Statesman, poet, traveler man.

Kerouac and Farrakhan.
Teacher, leader, writer more-Well dressed, learned, both adored.
One keeps getting called militant
Other left Navy and Merchant Marines - they called him a miscreant.


Like Kerouac and Farrakhan, man.
Like Kerouac man, and Farrakhan.
Farrakhan, like Kerouac man... wait.

Kerouac practically IS Farrakhan.
Louis Eugene Walcott was born in 1933.
Jean Louis Lebris Christened 1922, you see.
Louis Eugene got his start in  the Bronx of NYC.
Went to live in Boston, Mass. The part called Roxbury.
Jean Louis went the other way beginning in Lowell, Mass.
Prep school took him to New York for Columbia, where he could barely pass.

Jean Louis the well groomed football star 
Became Jack Kerouac, sometimes John.
Louis Eugene the well groomed track star
Became Louis X, then Louis Abdul Farrakhan.
Oh, also known as Calypso Gene, The Charmer
Toting a guitar, wrote many a country song.
Kerouac didn't do as well in school,
But many a poem he wrote, and sometimes rather long.
They say Louis stuttered as a child, honor roll though in school.

Someone said Kerouac rather than writing was a typer
Drove him wild, dropped out twice from Columbia, one Prof. called him fool.

Louis is reputedly awesome on the violin I hear,
Kerouac read his poems as if voice were saxophone in your ear.
Louis is son of a Baptist preacher, attended Episcopal,
Now leads US Nation of Islam
Jack attended Catholic schools made Zen all the rage-

        -Posthumous father of the whole beat field of 
                                -Disembodied poetry.

Ah,  crescendo. No more rhyme scheme, follow this now.
Farrakhan plays a 200 year old Guadagnini violin,
While Kerouac banged on a 100 year old Underwood Type-O-Matic.
Like Kerouac and Farrakhan, man.
Like gods with words.

next up: the Ballad of Salad Galahad. WEISENHEIMER AND COMPRESSIONISM: A New Satirical Theme and Variation Chapter for Joseph Machlis' textbook, "The Enjoyment of Music." By Marc Frucht "Kill all cops," --Warm Milk "Kill all lawyers," Shaquil Wilhelm (a.k.a. W. Shakespeare) in 2005 Marc Weisenheimer, folk singer and classical comedian, listened to a Black & Decker air compressor and contemplated the new music. The term "alternative" was fast growing old, and so was Weisenheimer. Never satisfied with the title youth had given him: "Founding Father of Generation X" he was searching for a new name to call himself, as well this new movement afoot that went far beyond Post-Modernism. The popular form included MTV re-runs, paintings of dried nasal mucus on high-priced canvasses, poems about slamming Spam and diets that require eating solely gefilte fish for four days, followed by three days of milkshakes and healthy dinners, repeated four times each month. This is now called the "rubber ball diet." "What will we call ourselves???" shouted Weisenheimer in the midst of a desperate quest of desperate despair. "There's nothing left!!!" And then it hit him. Actually he almost hit it. He'd stubbed his Miata 4-door alloy-mobile on an entire condominium made of particle board. "That's it," he thought out loud, "I'll call it 'Compressionism.'" He said something about smooshing everything up from thousands of years and rehashing it out every artistic orifice and just about "begging" for it to be called "Compressionism" and so a whole genre was born. Or at least named. THE COMPRESSIONIST PAINTERS in 1996 Brutus Gangreich proposed canceling all National Endowment for the Arts stipends and proverbial hell broke loose. "Anarchy," said Puerto Rico School of Design professor Denise Homogeno, "no one had and money," said the PRISD professor, "so they began making art out of just whatever was lying around. Everything." she said no medium had been left "uncoated." Artist Tish "The Wet" Sponge best represents Compressionist painting even though she was born considerably earlier that Compressionism's advent. Born in 1958, the Hell, Pennsylvania native was raised in 1970 and claims to have "soaked up all [her] inspiration in expensive coffee houses and poetry slams." "I just look at it all, think it over while slurping coffee, and then snot on the canvas," she explains. She pays a lot for canvas, but politically correct environmentalists will please to know that she doesn't use aerosols or other toxic waist to coat her art for setting. She simply spills her coffee refill over it in three even coats and chants the now-famous mantra, "I'll sue, I'll sue, I'll sue." Painters all over America and parts of the world calling themselves Compressionist must master the craft of coffee-spilling before going out from their salad days. One place besides Hell where much Compressionism is being studied is in Seminole, Virginia. John Elston started the Virginese school in an old abandoned catholic monastery in neighboring Virgin, Virginia. Any Compressionist mucus paintings bearing the stamp "made in Virgin," "Crafted by Virginese," or "Seminole Made," command thousands at auction before the painters are even famous. Red King of the alternative band Roomful of Pavement is most famous for his painting work before joining the band because he attended the virginese school as a child and then went on to paint houses with his popular mucus primer. King's "Canvas snottings" (as he calls them) can get him no less than half a million sometimes. Some other painters working in the Compressionist movement are Muriel Weddinghaus (1982-2005) Heinrick "All-U-Can-Eat" Buffet (1937-1992, Eric Tenuta (1985-present) and Johannes Smithenstein (1999-pres.) They took studio painting out of the studio and into the coffee shop, or wherever else mucus art could be produced. Instead of mixing their pigments on the pallet it was all done in their heads, unrehearsed, unsketched, spontaneous and spur-or-the-moment. There's also a sub movement these years called "pulp fiction" where similar paintings are done right on pieces of particle board but they seldom get more than a couple hundred dollars, no matter who made them. Even if they came from Virgin. (...TO BE CONTINUED next issue)
Prime Schlong Hitts - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Anyone who used to read SONG HITS magazine is sure to appreciate these... ADDAMS FAMILY They're creepy and they're kooky, Mysterious and spooky ATTACK OF THE KILLER TOMATOES They're altogether ooky, The Addams Family. Attack of the killer tomatoes, they'll Their house is a museum, where people come to see 'em. Beat you mash you squish you squash They really are a scree-um the Addams family You, chew you up for brunch, So get a witches' shawl on, Then finish you off for lunch. a broomstick you can crawl on, We're gonna pay a call on the Addams family. FLIPPER Although I'm going to miss Everyone loves the king of the sea, ever so kind and gentle is he, Her, the tomato ate my sister, Tricks he will do when children appear, and how they will laugh When he's near. The police have got a strike today, They call him Flipper, Flipper, faster than lightning, no one you see The National Guard has run away, tomatoes Is smarter than he. And we know Flipper lives in a world full of wonder Will have their day... Lying there under, under the sea. Look at the sky when rainbows appear, You can be sure that Flipper is near. Call him by name alas and alack, He'll give you a ride on his back. We know our Flipper, Flipper knows every answer, no one can be Much wiser than he. And we know Flipper lives in a world full of wonder, Lying there under, under the sea. Many a night, way down in the deep, oysters make beds so Flipper can sleep. Happy and gay, when he comes along. They all start singing this song. They call him Flipper... CASPER THE FRIENDLY GHOST the friendliest ghost you know. Though grownups might look at him with fright, the children all love him so. Casper the friendly ghost, he couldn't be bad or mean. He'll romp and play, sing and GILLIGAN'S ISLE Dance all day the friendliest ghost you've seen... Just sit right back and you'll hear BEWITCHED, bewitched, you've got me in your spell, A tale, a tale of a fateful trip Bewitched, bewitched. you know your craft so well, That started from this tropic port Before I knew what you were doing I looked in your eyes Aboard this tiny ship That brand of woo that you've been brewing took me by surprise The mate was a mighty sailin' You witch, you witch, one thing is for sure, that stuff you pitch, Man, the skipper brave and Just hasn't got a cure. My heart was under lock and key Sure, Five passengers set But somehow it got unhitched. I never thought my heart could be had Sail that day, for a three- But now I'm caught and I'm kinda glad to be, bewitched. Hour tour. The weather started I LOVE LUCY and she loves me, we're as happy as two can be Getting rough, the Some times we quarrel but then, how we love making up again. Tiny ship was tossed, Lucy kisses like no one can. She's my misses and I'm her man; If not for the courage of And life is heaven you see, 'cause I love Lucy, yes, I love Lucy The fearless crew, The Minnow would be Lost. (rep.) And Lucy loves me. FLINTSTONES meet the Flintstones, they're a modern stone-age family. From the town of Bedrock, they're a page right out of history. Let's ride with the family down the street. Through the courtesy of Fred's two feet. When you're with the Flintstones. Have a yabba dabba gay old time. When you're with the Flintstones, have a yabba dabba doo time, A dabba doo time, you'll have a gay old time. There you got it. Hope ya like it.